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"I Want An Allowance"
INT. LIVING ROOM
Older man sits in recliner reading newspaper.
Child
Dad, I want an allowance.
Dad
(Lowers newspaper)
....My baby's all grown up.
Child
I'm serious.
Dad
Don't I put food on the table and clothes on your back?
Child
Food on the table doesn't pay the bills. I need money for
stuff.
Dad
What stuff?
Child
Pokemon cards, pogs, videogames, smoothies, anime, and going
to the movies.
Dad
...Sounds like a lotta useless junk.
Child
Dad! Come on! I made the honor roll. I do all the chores in
this place and I mind my P's & Q's.
Dad
Ha! You don't mind your P's & Q's! Do you even know what
P'S & Q's stands for?
Child
I want a divorce.
Dad
See!? You don't know what it stands for.
Child
(Pouting
in silence)
Dad
Ok. How about this?- I'll give you ten dollars a wee-
Child
(Interrupting)
Ten dollars!? Dad, do you want me to just sell drugs? That's
what happens when parents deprive
their kids of basic sustenance. Delinquency!
Dad
Wow. Your insolence is pretty impressive.
Child
I learn from the best. Fifteen dollars a week, plus a
50-dollar bonus three times a year for
major purchases and gift giving. In return, I promise to
send you to a B-list nursing home when
the time comes to get rid of you.
Dad
I want an A-list nursing home.
Child
Don't push it.
Dad
A-list or I walk.
Child
...Fine.
They shake hands, sealing the deal.
Child
Love ya, pop.
Dad
Get outta my office...
Child
(Turns to walk away)